Chemo 1

Snow, so much snow fell this weekend.  It was a big surprise in a way and with every passing hour it made me more nervous. How was I going to make it to the most important appointment to date of the past few months?  Chemo started at 8am Monday morning, and I was determined to be there but I really hate snowy roads.  Letting go of worry is so hard for me, but there comes a point where you have to. When you do God takes over, he has a plan which is so much more than I could have dreamed up.  There was so much snow that by Sunday evening school had been cancelled for Clay's college and then Gabby's school as well.  This meant that instead of driving me to chemo and staying for an hour or so before school started Clay got to spend the entire day with me, along with my parents who are always right by my side.  Gabby and Elliot got the best day, Grandma R had made the drive up from sunny California before the snow happened and she took care of them all day Monday and again on Tuesday when school was cancelled again, and I had my port placement.
   Chemo was so much better than I had expected, for the most part.  The nurse I had was great, and it was a caring place that I felt was the right place to be and it was doing exactly what I need.  Killing Cancer!  Before starting any of the medicine I got an IV, and had to get a massive amount of benedryl, followed by anti nausea meds, tylenol and then a steroid (all IV fluids besides the Tylenol).  The R of RCHOP was first, and my body responded great to it.  Instead of having any of the possible side effects of fever, chills, shaking, etc. My blood pressure calmed down a bit, and I literally could feel the medicine working.  I first felt it in what I said was my kidneys.  NO pain, but there was just something happening, I sound crazy but I really could feel the drugs attacking the cancer cells and it moved around my abdomen.  While dozing in my recliner from all the Bendadryl, with my mouth wide open, I jolted up bright eyed.  I was breathing faster, but easier.  I all of a sudden had a weight lifted from my chest, one that I knew was there but hadn't wanted to acknowledge.  The medicine had just attacked the cancer that was in my chest… yes just an hour or so later my Oncologist happened to be walking thru the clinic with his newest coffee contraption and he came by to chat with us about the results of Friday's  PET scan. Usually if you see your Dr on treatment days it isn't the greatest thing, it means something isn't going right or ?? We had all of my appointments happen in such a whirl wind and chemo started so quickly there wasn't ever a second talk with the Dr after our initial appointment (we were all determined not to wait any longer for Chemo, which I am so glad that Dr K was pushy with reception about getting things done when he wanted them done- NOW!)
  SO, Dr K told us that I have a tumor in my chest which doesn't change that much.. treatment is still the same, maybe radiation after chemo is done.  However it puts me more into a box that fits.  Instead of me getting this "older mans lymphoma" type of  cancer I have what is still diffuse large B cell lymphoma but it is primal mediastynal or something like that. The lymphoma most likely started in my sternum (how was it the thing that least bothered me until the past few months of this darn cough, and mind you I was running lots of miles too).  This type of cancer is more common in young women, which I fit that box.  I really haven't changed my mind on any of the things since hearing my diagnosis from my GI dr 20 days ago (yes it's only been that long!) The one and only thing on my mind, is doing whatever I need to do to get healthy and get cancer out of my body!  I have so much positive feeling and light inside me, which has been surprising to myself but really thats what I have.  HOPE,  TRUST, FAITH, BELIEF, LIFE, LOVE, SUPPORT.
  The rest of chemo day one was fairly good.  The second drug was scary, and I'm so glad the nurse and I could talk and she was patient and listened when it wasn't feeling right.  We ended up starting two other IV's, the 2nd vein wasn't happy and then the 3rd worked great.  The medicine went in quickly after that and after a quick 8 hours we were on our way home!
 Tuesday morning was another early morning, this was a trip to the hospital for my port placement.  I've been more nervous about this than other things it seemed. It's the unknown, before January I've never ever had any sort of hospital procedure besides giving birth twice.  Those are normal things, even tho they were unknown too at one point.  It was nice to have the same drug pusher and radiologist doing the procedure that I had do my kidney biopsy that told us I had cancer.  The port will be so good, no more IV pokes and safer for my veins.  The port is tiny, just under my skin on the right side of my chest, with a catheter under the skin that goes into a vein just around my collar bone.  Two incisions is all it took, but with a kink in the catheter it took almost double the time to get it done- and I think a bit work. I still have on the bandages so I can't see anything besides a little bruising and feeling the port and catheter lightly.  I pray it works without complication.  When it comes out I may get a tattoo there.
  Now it is the point of this journey where all is back to being new and figuring out what now.  I have been taking my steroids, figuring out that the first day I need something good before hand to eat and not just a healthy smoothie otherwise I end up fighting nausea all day.  No pain meds or nausea meds since Tuesday, that's pretty good.  I have to listen to my body, let it rest, recover, keep it healthy but also go on with our lives.  I am beyond paranoid about germs.  Walking into preschool with a face mask because really is there any other place with more germs? A trip to the store? well I have to find balance, of getting out and not going crazy at home but being safe to protect me.  Lots of hand washing and sanitizer for sure.  A wound check (to take off the dressing of the port) and blood count coming up Monday, and then it's two weeks between chemo treatments.  xoxo