Life of a Sailor's Wife: 5 months 5 days

Yesterday was a big day, a monumental one- and in a good way! I showered twice with the special soap before bed and again in the early morning. Clay dropped me off at the hospital and he headed for school (it's finals week for 2 of his 3 summer classes) my dad was already waiting for me. I got checked in and brought back. I've been there a few times before; kidney biopsy, port placement, blood transfusion and yesterday for my port removal! I was scheduled with the same Dr who has done all my other things (well not the transfusion) and even had two of the same nurses for the procedure as I did when I got the port put in. The Dr asked when we placed the port- 5 months and 5 days earlier, I had checked. Quick and easy. I think I remember parts of it, and then somehow I don't remember any of it. Those sneaky drugs! After being prepped for the sterile procedure, the next thing I know it is almost done and the nurse is closing me back up! I am not nearly as sore from having it taken out as I was when they put it in, so thats good. The only downfall to having it out is that I have a bandage on my chest that I can't get wet for a week and it is a gorgeous week of sunny skies and hot weather, perfect for swimming! I did manage to make two trips to the beach today, once with 2 kids while the other two were at camps and then an afternoon trip with all four.

I am 9 and a half weeks out of chemo, and mostly back to "normal." I am 7 weeks out of the hospital for what Dr K reassured me was drug damage to my lungs (that lung Dr just kept telling me all sorts of who knows, maybe this, or that- when he wasn't looking at the BIG picture or talking with my BFF. lung Dr made me scared to fall asleep for fear of aspirating like he thought was the cause of my "pneumonia"). I'm not happy with that cause, but happy about an answer. Nothing to be fearful of now, or anything I can do about it. Dr K told me not to have anxiety, try and do all my normal stuff- and he gave me homework of getting out there to run! I have, it took me 13:55 to run a mile the first time I set out (I went 1.5 miles total) and the next time it took me 13:05 for a mile (2 miles total). I am trusting my lungs and heart, and working on getting my leg strength. My legs get achey and sore and changing positions or getting up is not that pretty- or graceful. It will come, eventually. My nails look no better, maybe a little worse since more of the tips of them have started to detach. I have eyebrows and eyelashes again, those are crucial things to have for feeling "normal." I have enough hair now that it looks like I shave my head, it is what I like to call looking like a bad ass (BA). I got a call from the cancer center about joining their survivorship program, so I meet with the nurse next week. She will be able to get me referrals for physical therapy, dietitian if I want (yes!) and will also give me a binder of all my treatment stuff. I don't meet with Dr K till the end of September, and won't have a scan until December.

This survivorship program will hopefully also help/teach me to deal with the fear of reoccurrence. I was worried the past few weeks, and it stinks to be scared. Yesterday as I was going thru the hospital visit, laying in the bed I had this epiphany. Why keep having all these fears, my body has been so amazing to me along this whole journey. It responded quickly to the chemo, I felt it work and all the cancer was gone quickly. In addition to that, I stayed healthy and strong. I am able to continue to have an amazing life. Have faith, and live. I know I was told this by others, and told it to myself but I hope that now I can believe this as much as possible. So with that, this summer has been amazing and we are soaking up every bit of it.