Chemo 4 & 5 plus some GOOD NEWS

Let's just start out by saying the news I got is more than good.  It's the best thing ever.  COMPLETE REMISSION!   For some reason I wasn't as nervous as I expected to be.  I was anxious thinking about going in for the PET scan, but that wasn't even as nerve wracking as I thought it would be.  I knew it was going to be okay. I think the biggest thing I have learned or changed about myself is that I can't worry about everything.  It does no good, and it doesn't change anything.  Thinking about this whole journey I would have guessed it would have made me more of a worrier and scaredy cat, but it has been opposite.  Yes, I am still a bit of a helicopter parent and over thinker of things but I can't spend my days, months, and years worrying about all the bad things that could happen.  So my PET scan was great, I had the same tech who had done my first scan and he chatted with me again and when he gave me the option of music I told him something upbeat- no sad country like I picked last time.  The first song I heard that morning was "today's the best day of my life." The scan ended with me hearing "Happy!" That was Friday the 18th, and I met with the Dr on the 23rd.  Such a good and emotional feeling to be reassured that the medicine did its job and as Clay says- "no glowing on the inside, just on the outside!"  NO sign of cancer.  The next day I did have Chemo #5 and we are still waiting to hear what the radiation side of the Cancer center has to say about my case and if I will need it (Dr didn't even want to get into any of that, we will wait and see what they say before we talk about side effects, etc).  I keep learning, everything is so new still so I try to have it explained to me and hopefully have the facts straight in my head and when I tell others.  All my tumors are gone- the very large chest tumor did leave scar tissue which I didn't even know was a thing.  My cells all went to work there and healed where the tumor was so it left scar tissue just like if I were to have an external injury.  I will be monitored yearly forever I think, but the next three years are what we are looking at now. The hardest news was to hear that it is more likely to reoccur in me than for someone who has never had it to get it. Is there anything I can do, no.  Be Happy, love lots and live a great life!
  To recap Chemo 4, well I don't really remember too much about the details of that cycle.  Each one has gotten a little worse, but I am still amazed by how well all of it has gone.  Nausea picked up a bit, runny nose and eyes and raw tongue.  My nails are the newest side effect, at first I thought the long nails that grew and then all broke made my fingertips feel different.  It hasn't really gone away, it's a strange sensation.  Now most of my nails are sensitive and a little achey, plus both thumbs and one pointer have a little darker moon.  Our very first meeting with Dr K he told us all these horrible side effects of the drugs- one was "your nails could turn black and fall off, it's really gross I've seen it!"  Awesome..  hoping it doesn't get much worse than this since I have only one treatment to go.  Tying balloons is hard and untying shoelace knots, and back scratching all ache to do- it's almost a tingle.  I did have about 3 days of being really tired, the most of any cycle.
 After the good news appointment I had chemo 5.  I knew the whole time that what we were aiming for and wanted was a clean scan plus two treatments to make sure.  Knowing that the cancer is gone made it so much harder to keep up with the attitude of loving chemo (seriously, I have felt like I love it.  For what it does, it is so good in so many ways!) Thursday started off with me being tired, and throwing up which hasn't happened in months.  I was tired most of chemo, even taking a snooze.  I had a different nurse than my normal ones I feel like I know.  She was fine, but I sat around waiting for medicine more that one day than all of my other days combined.  It was a hard day I think too because I have a little bit of almost guilt for having done so well on chemo and being in remission.  My friend who I have met along this journey (our kids go to school together, different diagnosis but still going through this together) had a hard day (our first day there together since we have different schedules and regiments).  She didn't get to do her infusion, instead ended up needing a transfusion for low levels.  It's a hard place to be emotionally, me feeling great and healthy and knowing others don't have that same level of comfort. Dr K and I even had a little chat about the "guilt" I was feeling.  After my 6 and a half hour infusion we were home where I once again napped- instead of being full of foggy headed energy.  I fell asleep on the floor, and then proceeded to sleep almost a normal nights sleep that night too.  More nausea for the weekend, and Saturday which also happened to be opening day of fishing (Pretty much a holiday around this house, well for some) and packed with birthday party running around.  My eyes were puffy and tired the entire day, my head was dreary feeling and I had no energy.  I couldn't even wear the wig because it just seemed too constricting on top of all the other blah feelings going on.  I fell asleep on the couch at 8:30p, and besides a few wake ups during the night I was in bed or on the couch 11 hours.  All that sleep helped because Sunday was a much better day, and Monday even better than that.  The sun is shining this week and we are taking advantage of it!  A play date yesterday spent outside in a friends yard and once we came home Elliot and I spent the entire day outside.  I pushed the boat out of the yard where it was temporarily living between opening day and today.  Mowed most of the front yard (until the mower ran out of gas and I wasn't sure which gas can was the right one to use, so we waited for Clay to get home and then he did the rest!)  I weeded the front of the yard and even ran to chase down the bus (it was early!) but that sure made me out of breath and confirms how much my body isn't used to doing these seemingly normal activities.  I feel it today, it's almost a good feel too.  I miss being active but am so thankful for how good my body has been to me.  I think today's soreness is a combination of the work I did yesterday and my shot that makes my bones sore from doing all the work to amp up it's blood production.

 Two of my hearts, love these kids!

 Our hike with Grandpa, we didn't make it that far but this boy sure loved climbing off trail and using his rope.

 Ringing the church bell.  What you don't see, the little one going up and down with the rope!

 The start of Chemo 4

 My turn in the human hamster ball

 Elliot dressed up with his new favorite swim trunks, shark or bear necklace (he calls it both, but who knows what it is!) and some face paint.

 Goofy kids before bedtime

 Easter on the beach, they really loved Auntie T showing them all the squirters!

 My first time Stand Up Paddle boarding, I love it!  Got a private lesson from T, I didn't even fall in!

 Tball has officially taken over most of the week, or so it seems.  E had an awesome hit last game!

 Chemo 5

 Yesterday's art work.  Elliot said "mom, I echoed!"  so now he knows how to spell Butt.

This pretty girl and I had an early morning breakfast date.  While the boys were out fishing, we went and had a fun breakfast out (when do we ever go out to breakfast ??? ) and then went down the street to her school.