Chemo #3

We are hopefully at the half way mark for this chemo journey.  Tuesday I had my appointment with Dr K.  Scheduling just so happened to work out so that sister T got to come and spend some of her spring break with us and "relax" at the cancer center with me. Dr K kept asking questions to see what or if was having side effect wise.  Nope, not much of anything besides the raw tongue and being bald.  He said they weren't used to seeing "people like me."  I have been doing great, and the treatments are going really well. We talked about the plan for what else is to come.  After chemo number 4 we will have a PET scan done, with prayers for me not to glow (cancer shows up glowing on the PET).  The hope is to have a clear PET and then finish up with two additional treatments.   The next day, Wednesday I had the real third treatment. 

 I love that I don't dread going to the cancer center or having chemo.  It is the right place for me to be and everyone is amazing. While sitting at chemo we got to Skype with Kay, eat snacks, chat with the nurses and work on getting me healthy. We sit for about 6 hours, but it  goes quickly. I didn't feel like I got near as foggy brained this time, although the nurse did stop infusion quickly when she noticed me getting splotchy.  She knows this about me, but usually its due to me scratching my chest or being nervous.  Well I guess we were in too heated of a talk because I got splotchy, so she wanted to make sure it wasn't any sort of reaction to the medicine. Another nurse came over to check, I felt fine and I was back to normal so they started the medicine back dripping. I have learned that for the weekly blood draw I would just rather have them draw it from my arm and not my port. The port is more involved with needing all sterile gloves and there is more chance of infection, plus I also learned I want lidocane if they use the port but don't need it for an arm draw.  All the bags of medicine I get at chemo, in addition to the liters of water I try to drink have made me pretty capable and confident at unplugging the IV pole and wheeling it around the halls to the bathroom. I know many of the nurses by now, and feel like I get along with all of them.  I think we may be one of the louder groups that are there for treatment (my various support personal, Clay, T, my parents) Everyone else seems to be quiet and so much older.  I did see three older men all congregating together in one of the men's infusion cubicles, all with their IV poles and  talking like they must be old friends. Since chemo 3 I have been feeling okay, not quite as good as I did after the first two but still much better than we all had anticipated this journey would feel like. I have had more nausea since the first night- it's not a feeling I know really since I wasn't nauseous during pregnancy ever and before I started chemo it was more of just throwing up and not feeling good but not nauseous.  I travel with potato chips, those help when I eat them and even a little bit after.  Ginger candy in my purse. Lots of water, some candy.  This round also brought even more of a runny nose than before, if I am up moving around it drips like a water faucet- but at night it's dry. I have a sore throat as of yesterday too, I haven't had as much of the neck gland hurting yet. I'm waiting to see if the shortness of breath and fatigue will kick in tomorrow. Will the nausea subside soon? I hope so, but I can handle it.  So now it is Spring break, well for the kids.  Clay starts at WWU this week after no real break due to the colleges terms not coinciding, so it's a good thing he had a few days off with nice weather that he and E got out fishing. 

 Book worm, the girl has an appetite for reading that just can't be filled.  Today she bought a chapter book in Burlington around 3pm, and finished it by the time we got to the park after dinner at 6p.

 This boy loves to take pictures, the goofier the better.

 The new hobby, special thanks to Grandma R.

 New trick, standing on the seat of his bike.  

 The start of Chemo 3

 Some of the drugs that are kicking cancer's butt.  The big red syringe is the scary one, my vein is still sore from the first time I had it.  I am learning so much it seems like- but really in the grand scheme of things it's barely anything. 

 More bike riding, it's all he wants to do!  If there is a puddle- he finds it and goes through it!

 My running ladies are the best, this is the shirt they made for our team. 

 Chef Gabby made these summer rolls, and her waiter Elliot delivers them and also tries to collect the "check pay" with talk of a tip too! Quite delicious!

 Blue bells taped to their heads, why not?!

 Baldy, it's really pretty chilly without hair- but the sun does shine brightly on it. I am stocked up on SPF and put it on every morning.

This girl!

Chemo 2

I had Chemo treatment # 2 on Wednesday.  The morning first started out with a Dr appointment with the man who is just a character and I can't seem to quite figure out.  We all really like him, even if he hasn't been wearing his cowboy boots lately.  He still has the long hair, and the surprising sense of humor.   The BEST news he gave us was that the bone marrow biopsy I had a few days after our initial appointment, and a few days before my first chemo came back NEGATIVE!  I do not have cancer in my bone marrow!  What a gift that was to hear, it was something I have been fearing and after you keep getting more bad news about additional tumors it was so nice to have this be good news. Dr K also said that we are only aiming to do 6 treatments, of the recommended 6-8 they advise.  Not sure yet when we will have a PET scan done to check progress, but for sure after #6 but possibly after #4.  Once the results are back from that we will see weather or not I need to have radiation on my chest. I asked him if we could pull out the gnarly stitches that have been poking me and looking gross for since the bandage came off a week earlier.  He got the scissor and tweezer kit and offered to let Clay to the dirty work.  I declined his offer.  Not sure where the mix up was, but when I had the port put in they told me the stitches would dissolve or fall out (but this is what I remember, from being consciously sedated so who knows what they really told me.) Dr K said we may have waited a little long, that these were not going to fall out or dissolve. After a little cutting and tugging the sutures- (what my nurse later called me, not sure what the difference is or if there is one) were out, and Dr K let us keep the scissors because they just throw them away! 

 Chemo 2

 The port in use.  I was so nervous about this, mostly due to the fact I had trouble with the "red devil" drug and it scared me pretty badly when they did it through the IV in my arm the first time. I was nervous how bad it could be if it was going straight into a big vein by my heart.  Also, when the port was put in, there was the issue with it being kinked so I wasn't sure how it would work. Luckily I had amazing nurses who were able to talk me through my worries and assure me that the port was much safer and better all around. My main nurse for the day is a cancer survivor, she showed me her port scar even! It worked so much better than I had expected, such a blessing and an answer to my prayers.  I must say it was not the easiest thing to adjust to having the port in my chest- but now I realized I don't even notice it really!  By the end of Chemo I had major brain fog, and thanks to the steroids was able to  sleep only about 4 hours that night.  

 The day after Chemo I headed back to the cancer center with Mindi, I had to get my neulasta shot to bump up my blood count… and also we were on a mission to pick out a wig. This is the winner, it looks more natural in the picture than in person I think. It was the one that was the most ME… even though it has lots of highlights which I have never had.  

 I actually brought home two wigs to try out and get opinions on.  I have on the winner, and Elliot has on well the one that looks orange when I put it on and just isn't quite right- although he looks adorable in it.  

 Just for those who are curious, this is the port. those three little bumps under my skin are where they guide the needle to hook me up, it goes in the middle I think.  Right above it is the incision which they just glued closed and you can see more towards my neck the catheter that then feeds into my vein.  The sutures were up on my neck, and are barely visible here!

 Monday my hair started shedding, just a little bit more than normal.  It was easier to grab out.  Each day it got a little worse (seriously, one chemo treatment makes you loose your hair!) By Friday (now having had 2 chemo treatments) the hair was coming out practically in clumps.  I would roll over at night and get hair in my face from my pillow case. Washing it meant my hands getting furry.  Saturday I woke up disgusted by it all, the hair was not even putting up resistance when you tugged on it.  I showered and tried as much as I could to avoid touching it, but it was useless.  It looked like I had an animal on the shower floor and that's when I yelled to Clay that we needed to shave my head.

We headed over to my sisters house, Danny got out the clippers and I sat in the backyard while Elliot excitedly took the first turn and buzzed me right down the middle of my head.  I had talked to Gabby about it after my shower, and she said she didn't want to help but she did like pulling it out.  Clay, Molly, Charlotte, Danny and then Gabby even had a turn all shaving off the pixie cut I have grown a little fond of.  I had anticipated this part being harder, seeing myself bald.  I thought it would hit me more than I expected and yet it was the opposite.  It felt so FREEING.  I don't have this hair dropping off me all over and thinning.  Now I just have lots of tiny little hairs that rub off!  It feels good, and I am more secure with what I see than I thought I would be. Now if the eyebrows and eyelashes will stick around it will be really nice.  The leg hair, well I wouldn't mind not having to shave this Spring! I wore the wig to the farmers market today with the kids, and it didn't budge even with the wind.  However I feel like I look like I am wearing a wig (yes I know I am!) Later I went to the grocery store alone, bald headed and felt confident, a stranger even told me I was beautiful as he walked by me in the aisle.  Now I am bracing myself for the week to come.  The drugs leave my body within the first 24 hours or so, but they are so powerful and harmful that it's their side effects that are hard.  I have still been feeling energetic for the most part, but a little nauseas a few times so far (a zofran cures it pretty well).  We will see what the week brings, but no matter what I am going to take it!

Post treatment 1

Well the last post left me sounding miserable, and I was for about 2 days.  The beautiful thing is that every day is a new day and it can be totally different than the day before.  Thursday last week I walked all over the neighborhood with Elliot on his bike, filming him trying to do jumps on the uneven cracks in the sidewalk.  Friday we met a friend at the playground just around the corner… and I was able to jog home about a block- feeling really good with only a twinge of soreness where my port is.  This weekend we avoided the rain with family time inside and a visit with friends to the Children's museum in Burlington.
   I have felt so good and had so much energy that I am staying up too late at night.  Watching movies with Clayton, or reading a whole book in one night (into the early morning), avoiding folding laundry, eating snacks.  I do know that I need more rest than I have been getting, so I try and nap.  My normal nap schedule happens the three days a week Elliot goes to preschool, after I get home from dropping him off I curl up on the couch and sleep for about an hour.  Today I was busy so I fell asleep later, when Clay got home from school I didn't even open my eyes but just answered "yes pick up all the kids" and back to sleep it was.
   Yesterday the shedding started.  Well it's more like me grabbing a little hair and it coming out in my hands.  I showed Elliot he said "that's cool"  I showed Gabby she said "that's cool"  I show Clay and he is like gross, just let it be.  First thing Elliot did this morning was try to pull out a little hair, and then it was the last thing he did tonight too.  He can't wait to see me bald he says.  I have been okay with cutting it all off but I think it may be harder than I expect to have no hair.  One of my books talks about it, and it makes the point of when you loose your hair your illness enters the room before you do.  People know you are sick.  I haven't felt like I look like a sick person, besides the bandages I had on my neck which now are gone and gnarly stitches are in plain sight instead.  Elliot also has started saying "I hate that you have cancer."  Me too buddy, me too.  Gabby has thankfully been less dramatic than she was being.  Did I mention in tears of frustration and being upset she said "you don't know what it's like to have a Mom that has cancer and always worry."  I continue to talk to them daily about what is going on and how good I feel and show them how my port incisions are healing (good but can the super glue come off soon and the stitches out!!)
  Tomorrow is the beginning of treatment #2.  Here's to hoping this trend of feeling healthy and the medicine working continues.  xoxo

Way too many pictures of me!

If you have looked on this blog much at all, you will know that there really aren't ever that many pictures of me.  I take them, and not of myself.  Well I have joined the "selfie" nation, I think it's this new haircut!

 Ignorance was bliss- this was before the Kidney biopsy that told us the news.

 Super Bowl Champion Seahawk haircuts!

 Dummy poker and Cleopatra before school.  You never know what we will be doing here!

 A busy day of appointments.  This was day one of being radioactive.

 Me

 The snow hill they built, with help from Clay and two neighbor boys.  Our neighborhood has no hills!

 First Chemo, I even brought my Japanese banana case with me.

 The start of 1, I am going to try to do this picture each treatment to see the change.

 The first day of my new haircut..

 Gabby went to a Spa birthday party, and so she was really into doing pedicures with massages for E and the cousins.

 My box of scarves.

 I wore a mask to Char's bday even if it was just family, I was most at risk for germs this day.

 These two crack me up.

After weeks, tears and screams about not wanting to wiggle the snaggle tooth out, she finally got it out last night. 

 Love celebrating this amazing 7 year old.  I still need to upload her rock star party pictures.

 A rainbow over our house.  Everything will be alright. 

 The 4 cousins, for Charlotte turning 4.

The big 35 for my guy.

Slap

This roller coaster journey of cancer is constantly changing and challenging me.  I have felt so good the past week, been so strong and upbeat.  And then the slap in the face comes when you don't expect it and knocks you down for a bit.  Yesterday I went in for a "wound check" and a CBC.  Basically I had to have the bandage changed after a week of having my port procedure and then a blood test to check all my blood count levels.  It was going to be simple and quick.  Until you ask questions because this is all new, and you see the numbers printed out on paper and then it feels like knowledge punched right in the face.
  I was going to just pop in for my appointment after dropping Elliot off with my parents, but my mom wanted to go with me.  Molly picked Elliot up since she had the day off and took him with her and the girls to an indoor play place (the cousins have been majorly missing one another- and me too since we aren't seeing each other hours upon hours every day like we are used to).  My nurse was very knowledgable about so much, but infusion isn't where she always works.  We told her this was my first time coming in for a CBC, and I was only one week out from my first chemo treatment.  She took so much time with us and explained, writing notes and printing out my papers so that we kind of understood more of this new huge book of cancer. I wasn't prepared emotionally to see how low my numbers were.  I know that it is part of the cycle, and it is normal and expected but man it hit me.  For example, my white cells were at 5.5 last week before any chemo had been given.  They have to be at least 1.0 for them to give you chemo.  My level yesterday was 0.3    That means I am super vulnerable right now to infection and everything.  Scary.  I also learned that the shot I get on day two (the day after chemo) that helps with boosting your blood count levels takes 7-10 days to work.  The good news is that after a pretty miserable day today my bones started aching... they told me yesterday that is a sign your shot is kicking in (oh and to take claritin the allergy medicine to help with the bone pain).  So today I felt crummy, and am so scared of getting sick, and then my body just started to ache.   I pray that this is the lowest point of the cycle, and tomorrow everything starts improving so that I feel better but most importantly so that my body gets strong enough so that next week I can have chemo to kill this  stupid cancer, which will start the cycle of low blood count and feeling crummy all over again.

 The fatigue has started.  Even being sick the past few months I still was able to just keep up with normal life (or so I think I did).  Not these days.  I had plans to tackle some laundry, because not only is the clean laundry stacking up needing to be taken care of so was the dirty (because in 4 days the basket is full). I wanted to get rid of germs, and after Elliot fell on his bike and was so distraught over it I put him in the bath at 3pm to relax and get clean, then into clean pajamas.  Gabby walked in the door from getting off the bus and I had the bath running now for her, nope I won't hug you or touch you and you can't have snack just yet.  In the tub to wash and clean pajamas.  Well if you are all clean like that you also need clean sheets so that was my plan.  I got as far as getting the sheets off of both kids bed, they made it as far as the hallway floor.  I was winded almost and a little tuckered out.  A few hours later Clay and I made the beds, but I am just not used to this lack of strength and energy.  

  Blessings are still plenty, in so many ways.  I have barely been nauseated.  It may be an indicator that if you have nausea during pregnancy it might be similar to what you experience during chemo.  I had great pregnancies, no nausea to speak of besides maybe throwing up twice in two babies!  I have had a touch of throwing up, starting Saturday night and a bit more Sunday.  I took the nausea medicine every 12 hours and it helped. Today I didn't take any and felt fine (besides the whole crummy feeling, but not stomach related).  I am overcome by the outpouring of support in so many ways.  I just found out that people have sent checks to help us, it brings me to tears and humbles me and makes me feel ridiculous at the same time.  It's not that I hate taking help, but I feel guilty about it sometimes- but I know we can use it and I know people truly want to do whatever it is they can to help us.  Thank you.   How amazing is it that we are receiving a box of organic fruit and vegetables (just had to ask clay to spell vegetable bc chemo brain is a real thing) to help nourish our bodies.  My parents good friend who also happens to be a commercial fisherman brought 2 cases of incredible canned salmon to their house for us to split- which I proceeded to eat an entire can of when I got there later that day.  The next day as I was leaving my parents house he showed up with beautiful sides of frozen salmon.  I got a little package in the mail from a friend with ginger and chapstick.  My running ladies have been loading me up with gifts, freezer meals, cards, flowers, and then they showered me with a box full of scarves.  All different styles and prints, with tags pinned on them such as "for days to feel pretty, for days to fight (camo print), for days to feel sexy (leopard)".  Mindi has been my medical go to with all of this, she knows the radiologist who read my scans and do my procedures.  I ask her all questions. She filled a stylish bag up with goodies, lotion, scarves, socks, candy, and more.  The kids friends mom, who has become a close friend of mine gave me a cancer care box before I started chemo, her dad has been going thru chemo the past few years so she had an insight of things I would need before I knew I needed them... special toothpaste and mouthwash, a few bottles of hand sanitizer and a spray for the house, lollipops, chapsticks and lotions, a journal, gift cards for food and music.  My sweet friend Andrea calls and checks on me, and takes Elliot to soccer so I can stay home and have a detoxing mustard bath and sleep. She gives me vitamin powder to help my body be strong, she makes the best and most satisfying beet salad and her whole family came over after I cut my hair and her husband gave me a very special blessing. Another friend has given me a tablet to use.  I have a meal train that started this week, and last week Molly made us dinner 3 nights at least. Danny got me some flavor drops for water. My big strong cousin calls and texts me to check on me and see if I need anything. Our friend, a young single Navy guy in California texts me too, to see how I am. Evelyn holding my hand tonight non stop and giving me un-prompted hugs because she loves me and hasn't seen me much in weeks (avoiding all the germs). My mother in law who left warm and sunny CA only to be back here were it snowed 3 times the first week she was back to help us with the kids. Just everything is overwhelming to me, the kindness I feel is so strong that as I type all this Clay keeps asking me "you okay dear?" because he can hear me breathing as I cry and tears stream down my face to my sore chest.  
  On another note I keep wondering whom I will meet during this journey.  Will I get to know other patients at the cancer center? In the waiting room I met my first friend.  I think her name was Marie, and she is probably 75. She has lung cancer even tho she hasn't smoked a day in her life.  Funny thing is that when my mom and I are at the center everyone must assume we are there for her, she has half her head shaved and I am "young and healthy"  (that's what I keep hearing for the past few months, it's good to hear but hurts too... So young and healthy except this cancer I have we almost joke about it.  Young skin, when they do procedures and are used to the old people).  Marie was a character, doesn't like strong coffee but chemo brain for her means she didn't think to add some of the hot water that was next to the coffee to make it weaker.  My mom says something about us being there for me, not here and that she just had brain surgery.  "What'd you do, go and have brain surgery or somethin'?" Yes my mom says, "oh that's terrible."  What kind of cancer do I have she asked, Lymphoma I reply- blood.  The perfect response from her, a two year member to me a brand new member of the club no one wants to be a member of- "diagnosis is scary isn't it."  Followed by "you don't even look sick!"  Yep, I have about two more weeks of hair left I hear.  

Chemo 1

Snow, so much snow fell this weekend.  It was a big surprise in a way and with every passing hour it made me more nervous. How was I going to make it to the most important appointment to date of the past few months?  Chemo started at 8am Monday morning, and I was determined to be there but I really hate snowy roads.  Letting go of worry is so hard for me, but there comes a point where you have to. When you do God takes over, he has a plan which is so much more than I could have dreamed up.  There was so much snow that by Sunday evening school had been cancelled for Clay's college and then Gabby's school as well.  This meant that instead of driving me to chemo and staying for an hour or so before school started Clay got to spend the entire day with me, along with my parents who are always right by my side.  Gabby and Elliot got the best day, Grandma R had made the drive up from sunny California before the snow happened and she took care of them all day Monday and again on Tuesday when school was cancelled again, and I had my port placement.
   Chemo was so much better than I had expected, for the most part.  The nurse I had was great, and it was a caring place that I felt was the right place to be and it was doing exactly what I need.  Killing Cancer!  Before starting any of the medicine I got an IV, and had to get a massive amount of benedryl, followed by anti nausea meds, tylenol and then a steroid (all IV fluids besides the Tylenol).  The R of RCHOP was first, and my body responded great to it.  Instead of having any of the possible side effects of fever, chills, shaking, etc. My blood pressure calmed down a bit, and I literally could feel the medicine working.  I first felt it in what I said was my kidneys.  NO pain, but there was just something happening, I sound crazy but I really could feel the drugs attacking the cancer cells and it moved around my abdomen.  While dozing in my recliner from all the Bendadryl, with my mouth wide open, I jolted up bright eyed.  I was breathing faster, but easier.  I all of a sudden had a weight lifted from my chest, one that I knew was there but hadn't wanted to acknowledge.  The medicine had just attacked the cancer that was in my chest… yes just an hour or so later my Oncologist happened to be walking thru the clinic with his newest coffee contraption and he came by to chat with us about the results of Friday's  PET scan. Usually if you see your Dr on treatment days it isn't the greatest thing, it means something isn't going right or ?? We had all of my appointments happen in such a whirl wind and chemo started so quickly there wasn't ever a second talk with the Dr after our initial appointment (we were all determined not to wait any longer for Chemo, which I am so glad that Dr K was pushy with reception about getting things done when he wanted them done- NOW!)
  SO, Dr K told us that I have a tumor in my chest which doesn't change that much.. treatment is still the same, maybe radiation after chemo is done.  However it puts me more into a box that fits.  Instead of me getting this "older mans lymphoma" type of  cancer I have what is still diffuse large B cell lymphoma but it is primal mediastynal or something like that. The lymphoma most likely started in my sternum (how was it the thing that least bothered me until the past few months of this darn cough, and mind you I was running lots of miles too).  This type of cancer is more common in young women, which I fit that box.  I really haven't changed my mind on any of the things since hearing my diagnosis from my GI dr 20 days ago (yes it's only been that long!) The one and only thing on my mind, is doing whatever I need to do to get healthy and get cancer out of my body!  I have so much positive feeling and light inside me, which has been surprising to myself but really thats what I have.  HOPE,  TRUST, FAITH, BELIEF, LIFE, LOVE, SUPPORT.
  The rest of chemo day one was fairly good.  The second drug was scary, and I'm so glad the nurse and I could talk and she was patient and listened when it wasn't feeling right.  We ended up starting two other IV's, the 2nd vein wasn't happy and then the 3rd worked great.  The medicine went in quickly after that and after a quick 8 hours we were on our way home!
 Tuesday morning was another early morning, this was a trip to the hospital for my port placement.  I've been more nervous about this than other things it seemed. It's the unknown, before January I've never ever had any sort of hospital procedure besides giving birth twice.  Those are normal things, even tho they were unknown too at one point.  It was nice to have the same drug pusher and radiologist doing the procedure that I had do my kidney biopsy that told us I had cancer.  The port will be so good, no more IV pokes and safer for my veins.  The port is tiny, just under my skin on the right side of my chest, with a catheter under the skin that goes into a vein just around my collar bone.  Two incisions is all it took, but with a kink in the catheter it took almost double the time to get it done- and I think a bit work. I still have on the bandages so I can't see anything besides a little bruising and feeling the port and catheter lightly.  I pray it works without complication.  When it comes out I may get a tattoo there.
  Now it is the point of this journey where all is back to being new and figuring out what now.  I have been taking my steroids, figuring out that the first day I need something good before hand to eat and not just a healthy smoothie otherwise I end up fighting nausea all day.  No pain meds or nausea meds since Tuesday, that's pretty good.  I have to listen to my body, let it rest, recover, keep it healthy but also go on with our lives.  I am beyond paranoid about germs.  Walking into preschool with a face mask because really is there any other place with more germs? A trip to the store? well I have to find balance, of getting out and not going crazy at home but being safe to protect me.  Lots of hand washing and sanitizer for sure.  A wound check (to take off the dressing of the port) and blood count coming up Monday, and then it's two weeks between chemo treatments.  xoxo

It starts tomorrow!

So much has happened just since my last blog.  Today was the most drastic in terms of seeing it.  After washing my hair today, I split it into 4 little ponytails and braided each one.  Elliot did the first cut, the scissors getting a bit tangled in my hair.  Charlotte did the next, followed by Clayton and the last braid snipped by Gabby.  It didn't look too bad, Elliot's side was super short, and Gabby's had more of the front in it with a little longer length.  All my natural wave helped it have a little style.  A few hours later my friend Jama, who happens to be my go to hairdresser came over.  She worked her scissor magic and  pretty soon I had a sweet little pixie.  My first look in the mirror and I saw my mom in junior high.  Cousin Joe saw a picture and said I looked like Grandma Eck.  It's cute, and will be easy for the next few weeks before it is all the way gone.  That's a good thing since I don't see putting too much into energy into appearances for a bit. Feeling good and comfort are much higher on my list.

Tuesday Feb 18 I met with my oncologist for the first time.  I looked him up online ahead of time.  He looked young and had longish hair.  Good background and schooling it seemed, so we were set.  Clay, my parents and I all went together for the appointment.  We may have looked like quite the crew, my mom with her half shaved head, and us all walking into the Cancer center and it was me we were there for! Dr K walked in with a big ol' pair of cowboy boots on, shoulder length wavy hair, some sort of reddish pants on and a white linen Western style button up.  He still looks young, but I have been assured he is older than I think (and his credentials support that). Blood pressure still high, but that has been a given the past few weeks.  Lots of talk on what we are going to do to get started on treatment, what exactly Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma is, all the tests we need to get done, what the treatment is (RCHOP) all the side effects and and success rates.  Scary, Scary and Scary.  He took us out to reception to talk with them about what they needed to schedule for me, ASAP and how what was already scheduled was unacceptable and I was not going to wait that long to have it all done.  A man who wants what he says done, and my goodness it happened (even with the hoops of waiting for pre authorization from insurance!).
  Thursday I woke up after a little bit of a nightmare, the first since starting this journey.  It put me in a really emotional mood, along with having PMS, oh and having CANCER.  That day, I had a bone marrow biopsy.  To date it is the worst procedure I have had.  No prep, and only needing to be numbed up with lots of lidocaine (at least I didn't have to drink it like for my Endoscopic Ultrasound- that was the very worst taste).  Clay was at school so my parents came with me, my dad being too queazy and waiting in the waiting room.  My mom watched, interested at first and now saying she wouldn't do that again!  A tiny small slit in the back of my right hip, a needle pushed into the bone and then the soft part where the marrow is.  He suctioned out what he showed us looked just like blood with little white pieces in it- the marrow!  I have to keep a plastic bandaid cover thing on it for like 5 days.  The problem with it is, it HURTS.  My hip is achey and hurts all over the right hip, making it hurtful to lay on and walk at times. All Thursday I could only eat a high protein, low carb diet due to the next day's test even tho everything Thursday had no restrictions.  What I want to eat when sick and nauseous is not meat, or eggs.    Later in the day we headed up to the hospital where I went in for a MUGA, which is a nuclear heart scan.  They took some of my own blood out, then made it radioactive and put it back in me.  Then I lay on a machine where they hooked me up to a mini EKG and took pictures of how my left heart ventricle works.  They need to know how my heart functions before chemo.  Thursday night I was miserable, throwing up, sore and emotional.  Plus I still couldn't eat anything good.
  Friday morning I went in for a PET scan, it was a much better experience than the heart scan the day before.  Even tho it was much of the same thing- being injected with radiation  (then laying around in the dark relaxing for a half hour) and laying on a scan bed while a tube goes around me and takes mind blowing pictures of all thats going on inside my body, it was much more comfortable.  The Southern boy who did the scan helped me to feel peace, giving me blankets, putting on some good country music and making small talk, plus he wasn't allowed to tell me what the scan said (how bad the cancer is, my big worry).  Leaving there I went straight to the frozen yogurt place for breakfast (well technically the first thing to eat in 24 hrs) but they weren't open yet.  I ran into the store and got a few things we needed (like a birthday present for Gabby's friend, the one she was having her very first non family sleep over with that night) and then back for fro-yo which had just turned on their light.  The owner was there helping set up for the day, and he is a parent from Gabby's preschool days so we sort of know each other.  I got a small bowl, chatted with him for a bit and walked out with a free bowl of delicious fro-yo that hit the spot and knowing that another family is thinking good thoughts for my family and I.  Later on it was back to another appointment.  Even tho less than 3 weeks ago I had met with radiology about my renal biopsy, they had to do another consultation (so the books say, the nurse didn't think it was necessary) about my IV port placement.  The nurse gave us look at what is actually going to be placed under the skin of my right chest, letting us feel it and learning about how they do the placement. That will happen early Tuesday morning after having Chemo all day tomorrow.
  Today we got a little bit of a surprise when we awoke to snow. Yesterday there was a bit more than a dusting, but it rained and went away.  The evening brought snow that stuck around, and piled up.  There were about 4-6 inches when the kids and Clay were out building a snowman and playing.  It has quickly doubled, then you factor in the wind that is making huge snow drifts around and some spots have well over a foot.  I am not a fan of driving in the snow, or even other people doing it.  Clay did venture out to pick up my parents and bring them here for the hair cutting party, the roads were fine then.  With so much snow adding up all day I kept getting more nervous about making it to the Cancer center by 8am.  God knows what he is doing, trust him!  School is cancelled already, for Gabby and Clayton.  That means that Clay now gets to stay with me the entire time I am at chemo instead of having to drop me off and going to school.  Grandma R made it in last night before the snow came and she is more than lifting the stress I could have about finding childcare for the kids.  She will be here bright and early to take care of them each and every time we need her.  What a relief to know I don't have to shuffle them around to see who can help (even tho I have so many willing friends and family).   Pictures to follow, Danny has all the pics of the kids cutting my hair and i haven't upload any from my phone yet.
  On to the fight we go, tomorrow the Chemo will enter my body- working its science and magic to rid my body of this ugly Cancer.  xoxo